lydibug's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sailor Girl. So.... What a trying weekend. Recovery, obviously. But then something else happened. I broke down and told Dany about my recent situation. He reacted kinda the way I thought he would. But then I managed to drag some stuff outta him too. The kinda stuff you don't really want to hear, but its like looking at a bad car accident: you know its gonna be bad, but you look anyway. Yeah. He's managed to sleep with two of my friends. One of them I don't care so much about. I mean, hey, we've been broken up for like...ages, but still. There are some rules. They're unspoken. So the one friend I haven't been close with in a really long time. Big deal. She's known him forever and men generally think with their dicks anyway, so hey, shit happened. He also slept with skankzilla that he was sleeping with before and some new girl named Rita, but again, these people are just girls that were most likely drunk and coming on to him and again, boys think with their penises. But LAURA... now thats a different story. Laura the slut. Laura the trouble maker. Hurricane Laura. Nobody likes her. She's Darin's EX and Max's EX and now she's decided to sleep with Danny. This is the girl that cries to me in the bathroom at parties: "How come nobody likes me?" This is the girl that wants me to come to her birthday party and texts me every day to remind me not to forget. Well, fortunately for me I didn't go out of my way to get there because I was sick sick sick that night. This is the bitch that knew of me and Danny and our relationship and met him through me and knew that he and I still had some kind of connection even if we weren't really together anymore, and its just one of those unspoken deals. YOU DON'T SLEEP WITH YOUR FRIENDS BOYFRIENDS OR EX-BOYFRIENDS. No matter how fucked up you are. No matter how needy you are. No matter how badly you need someone to stick their penis in you so that you feel better about yourself for that short period of time. (excuse me. I'm vulgar, but I'm pissed.) What a whore. I'm not the virgin Mary here, but I follow certain rules. So. As for Danny. I cried my eye balls out cuz it hurt so badly to hear what had happened. I drug his creepy ass through the mud. I called him names left and right and told him I didn't trust him and told him that maybe he should think with his head and not his penis. I told him I had lost all respect for him. He cried. He felt awful. He slept on my couch that night after he had left, we talked on the telephone and he came crawling back to my door. I unlocked it and went back to bed. The next morning we didn't talk to eachother till around noon. We drove together to get breakfast, didn't speak while we drove nor while we ate. His back was hurting him from sleeping on my shitty Ikea sofa and I was glad. So now we're fine. I cooled off. I told him I was sorry for calling him a stupid Mexican piece of shit that couldn't keep his dick in his pants. He told me thats not who he really was and I still maintained that I don't trust him. He knows this. He will have to regain my trust at somepoint by proving himself, but I'm not holding my breath. We've officially got one of those fucked up, on again off again, disfunctional love relationships where we can't decide whether we're best friends with jealousy, or more. But we can't seem to stay away from eachother. I always thought those were the stupidest kinds of relationships. I enver understood them. I still don't. I have abdominal pain. Its minor. Feels like really bad gas pain but different. It hurts when I go potty. I was spotting the first couple of days, but now it seems as though my body is really trying to get rid of some stuff. Clotty stuff. Gross. I know. Sorry. I just hope I'm okay. I am in dire financial straights. Like, totally up shit creek and my paddles are nowhere to be found. School is all but shot to hell. I really fucked up this quarter. I had to cancel my hair appointment and am hoping that Gabi, my friend I haven't talked to in ages, will take pitty on me and cut my hair at a discount. I don't know that I'll ever be able to show my face around Danny's group of friends. My old best friends. The people I loved and trusted, and thats really bugging me. I feel like I've really isolated myself and can't decide whether I'm going into or coming out of some kind of depressed funk. It feels good to write again and put things all out there. I need to send a couple other people my password (trustworthy people) so if you get another email from Diaryland... just regard it. Okay. Thats all for now. I have to go wash my mouth out with soap. Thank you for your time. 10:35 am - Monday, Feb. 23, 2004 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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