lydibug's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Monkey Around I wrote an email to my aunt today. She's always a good sounding board. In it, I described my current situation. How I've grown fond of my laziness but how I hate being so unmotivated. Then I seemed to pinpoint my situation just by writing it all out: I'm at a very busy standstill. And I like it. I like not working (duh, who wouldn't) but I totally hate a)not having money b)not being a productive member of society c)not having a 'real' productive reason to get up in the moring... yet at the same time I love it all. Being broke humbles me. I'm relaxed and happy. I still do a lot with my days. I help people out with stuff and visit my friends and help my folks out with my brother and indulge in my artsy side and my strange clean freak side. I'm such a virgo. I love being organized. Having all of this time allows me to get super organized. I need to focus on getting myself transferred to state (which is probably so easy its sick and I'm making way too big a deal out of it) and getting this financial aid thing underway... I don't know. I'm happy. But I feel bad about it. Like I'm a total mooch. But I love seeing more of my friends and getting what I want to get done done most of the time. I just don't know. I'm considering dropping my photo class. That would leave me with just two classes. And thats just not enough for me. But this lady who teaches my photo class is piling up so much stuff on our plates and everyone is kinda freaking out... and its just turning out to be more of an investment than I had anticipated. With both money and time. She's a great lady and I REALLY enjoy the lectures... so... I don't know. Stuck. Its becoming to easy to say no. I think thats a bad thing. A selfish thing. I have to stop this. Stop this monkey business right this second. 5:42 pm - Friday, Oct. 17, 2003 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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