lydibug's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Uh huh. Uh huh. Uh huh, uh huh, uh huh. TADAAAAA! I'm back! And I'm not brainwashed!!! I am seeing a lot of things in a whole different new light. It's really fucking weird. I think the fact that I was trapped in a room with 100 other people for 3 days (15 hours each day) listening to how fucked up all of our lives are because of all of the shit that has been packed into our heads, I did get something very important out of it. Heres the thing that I really got out of it, it all basically boils down to this: If I die tomorrow, or tonight for that matter, will I be happy with how I lived my life and where I stood with everyone in my life? I mean, REALLY satisfied. The answer was no. You guys read my diary. You know all the shit I complain about. There is a lot of shit I would like to resolve before I get thrown in a hole and they throw dirt on my face. Its like, all of the shit I complain about, is totally changable. Life is essentially empty and we fill it up with a lot of bullshit that we give meaning to. Good meanings, bad meanings, etc. Might as well make the stuff that I fill my life with worth my time here. Its really too short. There was this one visual where I really had a little breakthrough. The "forum leader" was up on the stage dragging his chair around like a wagon. In the wagon: all of the burdons and bitching that we call our "problems" that we take with us everywhere we go. We need to ditch our wagons,people! Ok. I'm not going to preach. BUT! It was a really eye opening experience. I am really going to try to be really, truly, genuine and authentic in all of my interactions with everyone. There is a lot of unresolved garbage that I need to ris myself of. Lots of things that I never wanted to admit really do need to be admitted and resolved. Bare with me folks. GODDAMMIT! I've missed my life. I missed my diary. I missed my boyfriend. I missed my kitties and my tv and my gym and my time for homework. Wow. I really really missed home. Ok. I have to go figure out what homework I haven't done. Uuuuuuuuuuh. I really really really feel that my life has been thrown off balance. Thrown off course just enough to really screw me up. I think that was the point. Maybe I was needing to be unscrewed. Sweet Jesus. Oh man. I'm a changed woman. I feel very off balance right now. I missed you all so much! I have so much to read! 11:18 pm - Sunday, Jan. 12, 2003 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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