lydibug's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Cheer up Charlie! I feel like Im about to pop. I should be totally happy because I just finished the last exam of the quarter and have nothing school related to do for another 2 weeks. This is not the case however, given the talk I had with Danny before I left to class. It wasn't a fight or anything, but a discussion about what to do come lease end this June. Do we want to remain living together or would it be easier to live separately? Now, there's this whole issue about money and finances, and convenience, but that's no reason to have to live together. Theres this whole thing where I feel like I'm sabotaging the relationship because I don't know what I want right now. There's this variable. There are many variables actually, but one that I seem to be creating. And it sucks. What if I'm ruining something great due to the fact that I'm making stuff up in my head? What if my gut is telling me that its winding down and I need to listen to that? I don't know what's real and what's not. I know we're young. Very young. I know there are things and people and places that we both need to experience. So do we find another apartment together or do we live apart? Would it be a step back or a step forward? I just called to see if my mom was home so that I could talk to her about it, but she's at a science fair with my little brother. I need more girlfriends. Rock is in Tennessee and Tat is wherever she is. I wonder what Mary is doing... Hmmm... Anyway. I just feel like shit right now. Very confused and very reluctant and guilty and pitiful. What to do? What to do? I wish I could just spell it all out for myself but it would take a lot of words. And what's more... its all self imposed. I'm tongue tied and restless; I guess thats what its like to be young... 8:10 pm - Wednesday, Mar. 26, 2003 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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