lydibug's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Briefing So, I'm not quite sure what's happening. Or where I stand or what I feel. I can't really say that it feels right or wrong. In fact, I'm not even sure it's happening. My reality has been altered. Doesn't really feel like I'm here right now. It's all very strange. It's POURING outside. Last night, he got home from work and we went out to dinner out our favorite little Mexican restaurant. We started talking about music and next thing I know we're on the subject of something... I don't even remember what. I was about to pop. Out of my mouth flies, "Danny, lately, things have not been good." Dead silence. We leave the place knowing full well that something has been going on for a while and we're both feeling it. After a long night of crying and being completely honest with one another, I had THE WORST HEADACHE EVER. I had to take Advil sinus and Tylenol PM just to calm myself down to the point where sleep was even an option. See, we still have to live together for another 2 and half months. Do I move out? Does he move out? Do we stay here together knowing that things are a little different? We still love eachother very much, but have both come to terms with the fact that we're young and there are experiences that we need to experience on our own. We didn't want it to get to the point where either one of us was going to get hurt or cheated on, or even just bitter or mad. We're trying to kind of head this thing off at the pass, but its the hardest thing I think I've ever had to do. And so I don't know what's going on. I feel a lot closer to him than I have in a really long time. I think its because I'm being honest with my feelings and I feel just as open and vulnerable as I did when we first got together, 3 years ago. It's just so strange and so painful. And so unreal. We'll see how this whole thing plays out. 2:44 pm - Saturday, April 12, 2002 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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